I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize