So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Drunk is not a location!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
