recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
That reminds me...we need to get swords
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
