Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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