In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
