last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
