i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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