Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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