i don't like sucking hair
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize