i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
