He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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