I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
