My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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