I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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