bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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