That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm passing your future prison.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
