We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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