Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
