she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
