Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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