I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
