Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
