is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Farmville is her only friend.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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