found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
