you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
