Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
