Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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