Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
