the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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