im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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