This is not my ceiling
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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