stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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