I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
