I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
