so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
