fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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