I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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