glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
