all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
