please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
