highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Everyone says I win the strip club
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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