All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
