ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
