Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
