I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
