My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
