Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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