The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
