note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
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