You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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