ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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