when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
