If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize