I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
