MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Your penis caused this!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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