if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
