amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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