sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
