i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
