No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize