i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
