As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
