you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
