Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
