Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
