i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
