Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
