Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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