Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
