Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
