Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
