I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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