Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
