How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
