p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
