I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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