my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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