apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
