Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
